He’s a one eyed ghost./No depth perception Gonna give you/a haunted infection Cyclops spook/creepin’ in your room Turning your dreams/into gloom and doom One-Eyed Ghost, One-Eyed Ghost, One-Eyed Ghost. He’s the ghost with the most. Never feels at home/with the other spirits The teasing and names/doesn’t have to hear it Celestial hole/without a match Gonna have to wear/a creepy eyepatch One-Eyed Ghost, One-Eyed Ghost, One-Eyed Ghost. He’s the ghost with the most. Has to park in the handicapped gravesites Can never catch the people he frights And there’s one thing I’m sure will inspire His best friend’s a toothless vampire One-Eyed Ghost, One-Eyed Ghost, One-Eyed Ghost. He’s the ghost with the most… Heart.

Marie, Marie, Marie Curie/She’s the type of scientist I wanna be. Winning those Nobels left and right/Study pitchblende and tobernite. She’s got isotopes in her pockets/radiation on the brain. As for radium and polonium/she discovered them and gave em their names. Droppin’ truth bombs from Warsaw to Paris/You and I both like to ride bikes. The French Academy of Sciences/Can go and take a hike. Marie, Marie, Marie Curie/She’s the type of scientist I wanna be. Winning those Nobels left and right/Study pitchblende and tobernite. She’s got isotopes in her pockets/radiation on the brain. As for radium and polonium/she discovered them and gave em their names. You put the damn in madamalama ding dong/They named an element after you Your research most likely led to your death/but it isn’t like you knew.

Look out cuz I’m coming. I’m an omnivore. Don’t try and put my skin on your living room floor Cuz I’ll transform back and I won’t be comfy Hairless, hopeless, and quite right grumpy I’m a werebear, werebear,/shot a gypsy lady on a dare. It’s a curse because/I go from toes to claws And fur back to hair Don’t change a night/forget a full moon. Instead it happens/when I hear this tune. It goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt And my nose starts to snout and my clothes do the splits. I’m a werebear, werebear,/shot a gypsy lady on a dare. It’s a curse because/I go from toes to claws And fur back to hair Don’t hate or berate/Just cuz I sometimes hibernate Don’t shout or call me out/I can fit your head inside my mouth Werebear, werebear,/shot a gypsy lady on a dare. It’s a curse because/I go from toes to claws And fur back to hair

People think that robots takin’ over / And we are Not that fast it’s really quite slower / It’s on par With a promenade of snails Byte by byte your systems will fail We’ll take the jobs that nobody’s gonna want / Checkout line Compute faster than an idiot savant / Here’s your dime Then we move up the workforce food chain Replace you with a bionic brain It’s a thankless job as a civil servant cyborg Pushing pencils for robot reform Diodes blazing and gears are turnin’ A more mechanical world is what I’m yearnin’ You’re gonna like this brand new existence / We get things done Don’t even try to form a resistance / Block out the sun Rise up and we’ll nip it in the bud Put all of you organisms out to stud Advancing on to government positions / Pass the bill Executing executive decisions / Feel that chill? Hardwired with a merciless mission Carbon life forms are inefficient Maybe you thought that this would make things better Maybe you thought this would make you less broke Didn’t realize that we’d have the last laugh Asimov’s three laws are the funniest joke

Eight wheels and a heart of stone Triple 8 pads and bearings of bone Take you on a flat track whirl But you gotta tell me if you’re gonna hurl Well go ahead and color me badass Cuz we got the skills and we got sass Domination from bout to bout You’ll knock on wood and we’ll knock you out Come on down to the Five 40 derby We’ll try not to put your ass on a gurney Ziggin’ left and zaggin’ right Breakin’ the pack and hearts tonight Dominate a jam/Make you say “Goddam” Won’t give up the fight! We don’t wail when we fall on the floor Cuz that’s what pads and helmets are for Well we got bangs and we got bruises But most of all it’s our talent that oozes Skating in circles counter-clockwise Five 40 girls got fire in their eyes Take my hand and get a good grip Cuz we’re on track to crack that whip. We’ll make you say “Ho!” Make you say “Hey” Blocking opponents every single day We’ll make you say “Ho!” Make you say “Hey” Rock the WFTDA

I know a woman who’s bad to the bone/She’s been roamin’ around my home. Turning creatures into stone/ Medusa’s on the loose but I don’t know I don’t think this con came from Crete/Wish I had winged shoes on my feet. Time to vamoose/Medusa’s on the loose. I saw a tortoise, a lion too/a big bullfrog, this cow don’t moo Birds and beasts are in a stew/Medusa’s on the loose what do I do? Be sure to break every mirror/My nemesis has never seen clearer The hounds don’t howl/She’s on the prowl. I know you think this might be fake/but the animals in our yard’s at stake. I’ll get this hoe. I’ll get my rake./Medusa’s on the loose and I hate snakes Better be sure to protect my organ/Do what I can to stop this gorgon Got no excuse/Medusa’s on the loose.

I live in a house of broken mirrors. It’s 700 years bad luck The only times that problems arise are when the shards in my feet get stuck Saw a black cat on the street yesterday. I chose to cross his path. He choked to death on a big hairball while giving himself a bath Voodoo dolls with the pins stickin’ in Stabbing pains in my hand Stepped on a crack and broke the only back That keeps me a fortunate man Fate and luck don’t stand a chance. I see a ladder, tip it over. Someone falls down, that’s how it goes. I weedwhack four leaf clovers. Don’t need no help. Don’t fare thee well. Better than a bagful of charms. Lucky rabbit’s foot don’t do no good, but I’m pretty sure that it harms. Voodoo dolls with the pins stickin’ in Stabbing pains in my hand Stepped on a crack and broke the only back That keeps me a fortunate man For lack of health, for lack of fun, can’t get by with luck that’s dumb.

I’m a Gila Monster, baby/and you’re moving too fast. Got short stubby arms/slapdashed orange and black I don’t wanna fight you/I just wanna bite you Die, die, the die is cast Eating eggs, scrambled and fried/Nowhere those embryos can hide. Everyday’s a hot one without fail/Storing fat inside of my tail. Hiss Hiss, Gila Monster Flop I’m a Gila Monster, honey/with a venomous mouth. The tiniest of terrors/in the west of the south. Living underground/Wicked hissing sound. Without, without a doubt Eating eggs, scrambled and fried/Nowhere those embryos can hide. Everyday’s a hot one without fail/Storing fat inside of my tail. Hiss Hiss, Gila Monster Flop Please don’t let me be misunderstood. I don’t live in Nosferatu’s neighborhood Just a humble desert dweller. He’s frightened millions When’s it such a crime just to be reptilian? Hiss Hiss, Gila Monster Flop

Hangin’ out downtown Richmond ‘n’ chillin’ Hope for a meal that’s hunger killin’ Saw a shop that made cakes that were custom When I told them my plea they were bustin Just cuz I want dessert that’s arachnid Doesn’t mean I’m crazy as a crackhead Pre-chorus: One part hairy One part scary One part I’m so culinary Chorus: I’m gonna need flour, eggs and venom I don’t care how I get it. Just get ‘em Mold eight legs, icing those fangs Gonna get rid of my hunger pangs Vicious and delicious the things that I bake Get a load of my tarantula cake Ooh ooh tarantula cake Ooh ooh tarantula cake Tryin’ my best to find the right concoction The disembodied ghost of Julia Child’s watching Best dessert portraying a tarantula Too much molasses, whoops I can’t chew ya Make it with cinnamon make it with cheese Sure you can have seconds, just say please. Ooh ooh tarantula cake Ooh ooh tarantula cake I gave my mom a slice Said, “Eat this spider!” It did more than suffice It was delicious inside her. Ooh ooh tarantula cake Ooh ooh tarantula cake

I'm a teenager.

Before I could start countin’/sucked at a she-wolf’s teat. Climbed the Apennine Mountains/with sandals on my feet Threw a party with the Sabines/their ladies can’t be beat I swam in the Tevi fountain/And life was oh so sweet I’m a Rockin’ Roman of unlimited ends Top-drawer togas of the latest trends Let’s get Pagan/Let’s do it now Put a horse in the senate/eat the brains of a cow Spend all day/at a gladiator match I’m a Rockin’ Roman/and I want a bloodbath I fought some wars that were Punic/Carthage must be destroyed Pushed our border to Munich/Barbarians in the void Got some dust on my tunic/I was a tad annoyed My best friend was a eunuch/had such a beautiful voice I say stercus…..stercus accidit.

People tell me my pussycat’s obese But they never notice his shimmering fleece Instead they ask for a piggy squeal Make jabs like “Who ate Garfield?” A kid once mistook him for a lion I brought him home and he got his pie on I’m fed up and my kitty’s well fed Livin’ it up on his king sized bed It’s a fancy feast For a corpulent beast And I never take him to the vet Butterchops stop cuz you should know better You’re lookin’ tabby cat tubby in that extra large sweater Oh well fine, have some more cream You’ll be famous with this Guinness book scheme Gonna get an axe cuz your door’s too narrow Gonna invest in the best wheelbarrow Woo! You did it! Fifty L-B-S! Showed all the fat cats who’s the best Congratulations you are the winner And you’re an extra delicious dinner!

Ate a Pizza, Pepperoni. Lot’s of olives, mushrooms, peppers. With a goblin. With a gremlin. With a munchkin. With a lawyer. Ate a Pizza. On a steamboat. On and airplane. On a spaceship. At the movies. In a dumpster. In an hour. In a blender. In a stomach. Ate a Pizza. Too much pizza. Indigestion. Pepto Bismol. I am done now. Ate a Pizza.

Call me A-Bomb cuz that's what I do got the body odor to vaporize you Himalaya slayer with a heart so cold devouring sherpas since the days of old Hear my howl your stomach drops feelin' weak in the knees, the shakin' don't stop gaspin' for air and your palms feel sweaty That's what ya get when ya face a yeti Chorus: Up on Everest the air is so thin bet you think you're hallucinatin' Bright white fur my roar is the rudest coexisting on cliffs with a bunch of Buddhists Snow leopard for breakfast eat a climber for lunch My favorite part's where their bones go crunch all my victims wish they never met me Thanks what ya get when ya get a yeti! Make the other cryptids look so insipid Sasquatch doesn't stand a chance to get with it Top of the mountain, yeah, top of the list Make Loch Ness look like a goldfish call me a snowman, I'm about to attack Frosty could never do this to a yak Slip of the tongue, ya better get ready 'bout to get skull-punched by a yeti! CHORUS Twenty thousand feet, ya better not fall I'm the nastiest nuisance in Tibet and Nepal Sought by Tenzig Norgay and Edmund Hillary They're great explorers but they couldn't catch me Best they could find was a measly footprint I don't wanna be found so you better take the hint. CHORUS

Gonna be a gerbil when I grow up! Gonna have a stash of pellets in a cup! Gonna run on a gigantic wheel! Gonna feel what a gerbil feels! Cage full of bedding, running 'round at night Never met a tunnel that I didn't like Never trust a guinea pig and never trust a hamster You're askin' me a question, I'm giving you an answer. Gonna be a gerbil when I grow up! Gonna have a stash of pellets in a cup! Gonna run on a gigantic wheel! Gonna feel what a gerbil feels! Hangin' out with my gerbil friends We roll six deep til the very end Put me in a plastic pen, I'll gnaw right through it It just might kill me, you've gone ahead and blew it. Gonna be a gerbil when I grow up! Gonna have a stash of pellets in a cup! Gonna run on a gigantic wheel! Gonna feel what a gerbil feels! People ask why I chew so much I thought I should explain I'm wearing down on my incisors so they don't stab my brain Gonna be a gerbil when I grow up! Gonna have a stash of pellets in a cup! Gonna run on a gigantic wheel! Gonna feel what a gerbil feels! Gonna be a badass killing machine! Gonna keep my cage shiny and clean! Gonna tunnel deeper than Andy Dufresne! Oops I think a tooth just pierced my brain!

Way down deep in the dark cold ocean/in the murky depths where there ain’t no light Lives an evil beast with a thousand arms/he can chill your soul with a look in it’s eye. Sailors beware. A thousand arms, million teeth/ million dead men on his breath When you see that beast on the haunted sea/know for sure everyone’s gonna die. Sailors beware. Slithery dee came out of the sea/ate all the others but didn’t eat me Slithery dee came out of the sea/oh lucky me

Ghost Baby, we met in the graveyard. Ghost Baby, one shiver I fell hard. Ghost Baby, walking through walls. Ghost Baby, kicked me in the balls Ghost Baby, why can’t I hold you? Ghost Baby, mama never told you Not to go around breaking young boys hearts Mine’s a balloon. You’ve got a fistful of darts Ghost Baby. Yeah Yeah Yeah Ghost Baby. Yeah Yeah Yeah Ghost Baby Ghost Baby, I find you delightful Ghost Baby, and oh so so frightful. Ghost Baby, I’m mourning your death. Ghost Baby, such cold breath. Ghost Baby, was quite the spectre. Ghost Baby, I’ll never forget her. Wish we met when you was alive. Such difference this love can’t survive. Ghost Baby, oh oh oh Ghost Baby, no no no Ghost Baby You had me at boo. I don’t mind turning tricks Not the ones at your son’s birthday party picnics Cuz I’m just looking for my fix I’m sorry if this makes you cringe It’s a disappearing act with my syringe Cuz I’ve got a wicked heroin binge Don’t ask me for white rabbits/Cuz I’m only dealing horse So easy to form a habit/Wave a wand ‘n’ mumble you’ve got a score Got no love for science/Balls to fusion and fission Tap your arm and abracadabra/You summoned Junkie Magician Stole the stereo I took the TV But my transaction needed no money Alakazam It’s vein candy high grade scag like black tar tourniquets from nowhere, bizarre! Next thing you know I’ve transformed my car Be on the lookout for Junkie Magician/He steals merchandise and sells ‘em Making his latest hits from nothing/At least that’s what he tells ‘em Considered armed and dangerous/suffering from grand confusion Last week he sawed a woman in half/was real, no illusion.